It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
