I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So much Jack, so little girl.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
