guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
