we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
