You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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