Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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