CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
God, I missed his penis.
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