He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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