McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
