That's when you crack a 10am beer
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
