Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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