while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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