omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I want a musical about memes.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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