Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
