just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
