I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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