i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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