Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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