Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
