there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
