I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's get the cat blown out
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
