you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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