When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i drank out of a bidet.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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