addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
