Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
