i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
