I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
