oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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