Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
