I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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