k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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