I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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