It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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