What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
