Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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