Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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