im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
