Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
