dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
