Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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