so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
