I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
