somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
