It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
