And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
