Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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