i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
