I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
