white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
