And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
