You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
