mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
