I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
