where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
