cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
