You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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