So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
