I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
