I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
