I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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