i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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