How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
there is glitter all over my balls
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
