my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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