Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
