I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My first STD was from a foam party
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
