this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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