I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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