He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
