By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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