Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
These tits shall not be calmed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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