meet me or not, i'm out of control
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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