I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
