Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
