Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My ass is underappreciated
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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