The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize