I faked an abortion last night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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